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?Y-you shouldn?t be taking me by the ear like this, man!? As Stu and his uncle entered Stu?sbedroom?there was no door on the room, as the uncles felt the boy would onlymisuse privacy?Stu?s uncle let go of Stu?s ear and backhanded him harshly, so he almost fell tothe floor. As John?s hammyfist moved away, a dribble of blood seeped from the boy?s mouth. ?What did yousay?? Stu said more politely. ?Why SIR are you takingme by the ear SIR, please?? Uncle John grunted, not bothering to answer thequestion. As Stu leaned against the wall, his unclewalked over to Stu?s neatly made bed?it had to bedone at six a.m. with hospital corners, or Uncle Pietro,Stu?s other uncle would bounce a quarter, and thentear the sheets off?and THEN Stu?s ass was grass? Uncle John viciouslypulled the coverlet off the bed and pointed at the neatly ironed sheets.?W-what?s wrong?? Uncle John stepped over to Stuart and slapped his face again.Dizzily, Stu repeated the question. ?SIR, what?swrong with the bed SIR.? He. A young man has left his home back east, to seek his fortune in the wide open spaces. He arrives in town, and sees the local saloon has a ‘HELP WANTED’ sign in the window.He goes into the bar, and speaks to the owner, who sizes him up, and offers him the job. He adds this: “One thing. If you ever hear, ‘Big John’s a-comin’’, just get out of here as fast as you can!”He works there for a few weeks, when one day, he’s cleaning the place, and there’s an incredible commotion outside. People are yelling, screaming “Big John’s a-comin! Big Jooooohn’s a-comin!”As he’s trying to leave the bar, though, he’s knocked over by a massively huge man, riding an even bigger mountain lion, using a twelve foot rattlesnake for a whip! The man rides the mountain lion up to the bar, tosses the rattlesnake into the corner, and bellows out “Gimme a barrel of pickle juice!”Our young hero goes into the store room and rolls out a barrel of pickle juice. The man rips the lid off with his teeth and drains it all.
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